I'm bright in my Crystal Globe

The sacred “must”

I am a privileged person. So far I have nothing to complain about my life, what I have been able to experience and learn throughout the years, and recently I was able to retire with a good arrangement at the age of 62. I like being on my own, and don’t easily get carried away by any madness around me. That way the corona crisis doesn’t have such a big impact on me. I have peace of mind, spend my time with some guitar playing and other hobbies, odd jobs in and around the house, and of course a walk in the nearby English landscape park. When I feel like reading, I snuggle under a fleece, and when a sudoku makes me sleepy, I just doze off. I live with a partner whit different interests but who has the same attitude. So we take care of each other, and also always respect our personal living space.

And yet there is that little voice, deep inside of me. That persistent voice that says that I actually “have to” DO something with my life, with my spare time. That I have to use my knowledge and experience for society, as a volunteer, in neighborhoodsupport activities or if necessary as an independent entrepreneurial coach. An urge to mean something to our grandsons and their mother (who live far away in Germany). To guide and help people and situations change, as I did during my work at Philips. I could offer a young man who has become mentally sidetracked a better perspective. I know I have all the skills and resources to do this. Nevertheless, there is a slowness in me, which keeps me barely moving and hiding in my private cocoon. Sometimes I feel a little guilty about that.

I am a distant observer by nature. Many training sessions emphasize that you have to be a player, and not just shout comments from the sidelines. I’ve done that for a long time, and have noticed that all too often as a player you are a puppet, a slave to the structure in which you are absorbed. Rules, norms and views imposed on you by the game and its spin-doctors limit your independent thinking. I have found that although I am good as a player, I am much better as an observer. Debunking castles in the air, showing connections and dimensions that would otherwise remain hidden, observing and philosophizing with understanding and without judgment, that is my strength. That’s a different way to influence the game. But then that accusing voice grumbles, as I often say to my partner: “What do you DO with all that insight and information?

Life’s always partly the sum of compromises. Even if you choose an extreme somewhere, believing that this is not a compromise for once, you still have to accept the consequences. Your compromise just looks a little different then. I thought I had found a good alternative through this website to share my observations, knowledge and experience. My brain is bubbling with subjects and ideas. There is a lot to report, especially in this corona era and around geo-political developments. My list of concepts includes topics such as (crossed out = meanwhile processed in new post):

  • Visual Psychology for Dummies: a view on present behavior
  • Trump’s Demise
  • The Corona Pandemic and #BrainTricks
  • The Corona Pandemic and #Organismics
  • Turbulent World (and the Small Man)
  • Your Own Share (in everything that happens to you)
  • Slavery
  • God is a myth
  • Sapiens ( book review)
  • About small and large …
  • Polarization
  • Evolution and change
  • About meaning
  • How (non-) ideal is the world?
  • Concept as a danger to the rebuttal
  • Identity
  • Multipotentialite
  • About origin and progeny
  • The space of not doing
  • Loneliness
  • Inversion in your thinking
  • About life and death, coercion and choice

This list is only getting longer, while my drive to write is only decreasing.
What am I doing it for? (Actually just for myself).
Why am I doing it? (Probably just to ease my conscience).
Does it make sense? (The world is already flooded with information).
I sometimes wonder what would happen if someone told me that I only have 5 days to live. Or another number, it doesn’t matter, it’s about the concept. Then I have to tidy up and arrange a lot for my next of kin. Also online. A website like this will simply be deleted, and no one will miss a single bit of it. Why then put effort into further expansion? Well, that’s simple, really. Sometimes I have a phase that I want to create something. A photo, a technical hobby project, or a story. Then at least I have an outlet through this website, knowing that everything will end with me when my time comes.

So for now I don’t do anything with the website anymore. Perhaps again when spring breaks through and the positive blood starts to flow a little faster. For the rest of my life I no longer have any big ambitions. I want to enjoy a little more, and teach people how to enjoy. Perhaps offer people the (mental) space to embrace the positive aspects of our lives. And if that no longer works, because mental or physical limitations become dominant, then it’s to be over as far as I am concerned. Then I can say I had a good life, and nothing to complain about (but I already knew that at the beginning of this story).

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