To lie….

Fresh from the press: the Dutch minister Zijlstra has to give up his post because of spreading and maintaining untruth.

In a time when moral values ​​and justice are so important, you can hardly imagine that a minister makes such a mistake. Of course it is not only about the lie itself, but especially about how the information was used to influence certain choices. Isn’t that familiar? Fake News, disinformation, populist brainwash …. Our era is full of it. Some of the most powerful people on earth do this all the time, often through social media that should not be taken that seriously anyway. Why do people do that? With a little #CommonSense, you know that a lie ultimately works against you, if only because you have to maintain something that cannot be proven. Yet it has been going on for thousands of years day after day, everywhere on this earth. In fact, I think that every once in a while all of us are guilty of lying in one area or another. Sometimes that is just bragging. Very often it is a way to avoid confrontations with yourself or others. And of course there are the many cases where a lie is wrapped in a rosy, one-sided and exaggerated story, intended to manipulate people into a certain (buying) behavior. Sooner or later this always ends, but unfortunately damage can already have been done.

As soon as you really want to develop, transparency and honesty towards yourself is extremely important. That is not easy. Your brain is looking for the easiest way using a #BrainTrick, and can easily justify half-truths. If you are very dependent on a lie, your brain will do so even more convincingly. Just as Holleeder says in court about his death threats to his sister’s address: “Ah, I just said something!” Such trivializing justifications always appear first, even in the case of Zijlstra. His fellow ministers thought it was a mistake, but not a mortal sin. More idealistically-minded politicians do not understand that; for them, politics is a calling with certain norms and values. But for others, politics is just a profession where you earn well, and with which you build a network for the future. Just like in business, you get more #ControlPower through higher positions. This changes your image of what is acceptable.

Honesty is the best policy!

You have to decide for yourself whether you want to live with a lie or not. Moreover, it is totally acceptable not to share everything about you and your life publicly, unless it is expected in your position within the current moral standards. If donations for government employees are to be registered, you can not conceal an expensive apartment obtained from a foreign ex-diplomat. Not even with a #BrainTrick excuse. It is not a question of word games.
I always advise you to use your #CommonSense. Actually just never lie, especially not against yourself. Because a lie has power over you. A lie determines your behavior, your thinking, your emotional balance, and your ultimate position in the world around you. And if you lied “occasionally”, then you can best be as honest as possible about it. That behavior is valued better than useless and half-baked excuses. You can’t do that too often: it is ultimately about how trustworthy you are, for others, but especially for yourself. And if you’re ever confronted with someone else’s lie hurting you: expose it as fast as possible. Don’t wait until it controls your life!

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  1. So… How to deal with a lie when it comes on your way? It doesn’t matter whether you’re the source, or somebody else.

    Start with the facts. As early as possible confront the source with the suspicion that it’s a lie. Don’t state that yet, as long as you don’t know for sure. In particular in the early phase of a lie, the reality is far more complex, and there might be some truth behind it. Usually the one-sided accentuation polarizes statements into a lie.

    Based on the facts, looking at the purpose of the message, jointly try to reformulate things in order to have an early as possible correction. Don’t be too nice, but also listen empathically to understand what moved the person who’s about to suffer from a lie.

  2. A small side-note is also necessary. You can believe so strongly in a lie that it becomes an independent reality for you. Although the idea and the actions originate from you, your brain manages to organize your world view in the course of time that you do not know better than that “it has to be that way”. Children who lie (and all of them do so with some regularity and at certain stages of their lives) can therefore continue to deny themselves very convincingly. Adults too, and the more they have talked about it with others, the more difficult it is to get back on track. That is why it is also so disconcerting when the facts finally show how reality really works. Even if there have been no earth-shattering consequences of your lie, the dismantling of your world still feels painful and denigrating. You lose your value, your status, your position… And that only because you originally made a small communicative error.

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